Fairytales about princesses
It all started with a fairy tale I wrote for the daughter of a friend who never wanted to kiss. After hearing her fairy tale, she suddenly loved to kiss, but with lots of drool! Then I wrote another fairy tale for that friend herself, who couldn't sleep at the time, and that's how I started writing!
Once upon a time, in a faraway land, there lived a princess who did not like kisses. Now that may not seem like a big problem at first sight, but you should consider how many times a year kisses are exchanged: on birthdays, on family visits, at Christmas and New Years, at bedtime, at farewell and at reunions, ... . And every time the princess roared: "I DON'T LIKE KISSING!" and there the king and queen stood in shame, gazing at their royal shoes, while the people looked after them with disapproval.
As she got older, the problem got bigger because what prince would want to marry a princess who doesn't want to kiss?! The king ordered the most expensive ointments: lip balm from Hungary and cream from Uzbekistan for chapped and cracked lips. He even sent for a famous psychologist from Vladivostok and a very learned doctor from Kyrgyzstan who specialized in allergies (because maybe the princess was allergic to kisses). But none of that helped.
"My dearest child", the king said to his princess one day: "I am getting old and your mother too and we will not always be able to take care of you. It is time you found a man. "I don't want a man because I DON'T LIKE KISSING!" the princess roared and slammed the door so hard that the expensive painting of the royal family fell from the wall to the floor and broke in two pieces. "Now that's enough!" shouted the king and he grabbed the princess by the arm and pushed her down the stairs in front of the royal palace. "And don't come back until you want to kiss!" "Just right," thought Princess Helena. "Come Fondus," said Helena and she whistled her cat that was sleeping in the royal garden, put him on her shoulder and walked out into the wide world.
They walked and walked through fields and woods, past streams and villages, past pastures full of cows and through orchards full of sweet apples and plums and pears. "Oh, how I like the wide world!" thought the princess, with her mouth full of blackberries: "No one nags at my head that I must kiss, and how beautiful the wide world is!" When she was tired and had pain in her shoulder from Fondus, she sat under a lime tree in the shade and fell asleep. Fondus happily clawed at a dragonfly and hopped into the lime tree where he chased a butterfly, a caterpillar and a squirrel.
Then he looked down and panic struck him: he sat at the very top of the gigantic tilia and didn't dare to move a paw anymore. His head was spinning and his heart was pounding in hi chest. He started meowing heartbreakingly. The princess woke up with a startle, looked up and began to whimper. Just then, a handsome prince with good timing passed by. He saw the princess in tears, glanced at Fondus, parked his horse beside the tree, and leapt limberly from his saddle to the lower branches. Deftly the brave prince clambered up, put the terrified Fondus on his shoulder, climbed back down and happily handed the tomcat to the princess. She took Fondus with both hands and pursed her lips. The prince shoved his head between hers and the tomcat with lightning speed, and the princess involuntary gave him a huge smack on his cheek. "Oh," said the princess, "and I don't even like kisses." "Well that's a coincidence," said the prince, "Me either!" And then they kissed all day long under the lime tree, and in the evening they all jumped on the prince's horse towards the royal palace to to get married the next day.
Once upon a time there was a princess in a distant land called Hoosrade. She was a beautiful and sweet princess who was smart and had many talents. Yet she was not happy because she suffered from insomnia a lot. You can't count how many hours and nights the poor princess lay awake in her bedroom with velvet pillows and silk sheets.
The king and queen, of course, were very concerned and did everything they could to help their daughter: kilograms of mattresses were shipped to the royal palace, humidifiers and sleep aids from the most expensive herbs from all over the world. "Here honey, try this pillow!" said the king. Or "Have you tried on this lovely sleeping dress allready?", the queen would ask hopefully. But it was all to no avail. The princess grew increasingly tired.
One day she was wandering restlessly through the halls of the palace until she encountered the king's bookkeeper on the steps of the library. He was a boring man, so dull that he was almost invisible. "Eu, I just found a book about reforming and simplifying tax procedures," he confided to the princess. "It is very interesting because it makes it clear that the extension of the objection periods has no financial repercussion on the state treasury at all ... ." he said, more to himself than to the princess, really, for he was used to no one listening to him. "Oh yes," the princess yawned, "that sounds interesting indeed." And then she promptly fell asleep on the bottom step of the library stairs. "Look," cried the bookkeeper, with a glint in his gray eyes: "a reference book about the levying of tolls on the Beerbiek highways!" And with something vaguely like a blush on his pale cheeks, he hurried to the bookcase. He forgot about the princess instantly, stuffed the book into his briefcase and flew up the stairs to the front door of the palace, looking forward to an evening of fascinating reading.
There the princess lay on the hard, cold, stone stairs, and she slept for 12 hours straight, dreaming of four-poster beds of all sizes and colors of the rainbow. The next day after waking up, the world looked beautiful again: the sun shone as it had never shone before and the birds whistled more beautifully than the princess had ever heard. She immediately made a wise decision; she would marry her father's bookkeeper. The party was immediately arranged and the bookkeeper naturally agreed, for he was already beaming at the prospect of being able to consult the royal library all the time.
On their wedding day, the bookkeeper spoke about the tax advantages and disadvantages of marriage. Then the princess fell asleep with her head in the middle of the wedding cake. But nobody cared, everyone was very happy for the princess, and they let her snore lustily until she was completely rested. And so they lived together and they were quite happy: "Tell me again about the tax reforms you carried out in our country?" the princess asked her partner every evening and then she put on her pajamas. Her husband would then discuss the tax landscape in Hoosrade and would not mind that she kept falling asleep, then he could go back to bed with the Winkler Prins.
In a faraway land called Elemijt, there once lived a princess who smelled terribly. The poor princess always had to sit at the table without company. She also had a room alone and separate on the other side of the castle. All the servants always had a clothespin in the pocket of their trousers or apron, in case they ran into the princess. "Nag Princess Nitien," they said politely. Everyone shunned her and the princess was very lonely and longed for company but no one could match her scent. Even the plant in her bedroom withered and lost all its leaves in mid-spring.
The king and queen were at their wits' end: they had the princess scrub and scrub for hours with the most expensive colognes and scented waters, until she looked crimson and her skin glowed painfully burned all over. Brave knights risked their lives, bringing the finest soaps from every corner of the vast empire. One time, the princess was even hung outside on the clothesline for days to air. But it was all to no avail; she kept stinking.
One day a simple swineherd passed by the castle. He asked for the hand of the princess. Under normal circumstances, the king wouldn't have dreamed of letting his daughter go with anyone less than a prince, but these were, of course, not normal circumstances. Everyone literally sighed with relief when they saw the princess leave with nothing more than a large backpack for luggage. (For what would she do with all her valuables as a swineherd's wife?!) Maybe you know and maybe you don't, but swineherds don't smell like ordinary people; they sit among the pigs so often that they themselves begin to smell. And pigs simply don't smell fresh like rose petals. (Probably they think the same way about us.) In any case, the swineherd's nose was hardened by his profession, and he thought his little princess was not that bad in the healthy open air when she stood against the wind.
It was on a beautiful day in spring that the princess noticed that she couldn't sit down anymore, something was in the way. After further investigation it turned out that a pig tail just grew through her beautiful dress! "Well have you ever!" exclaimed the swineherd in astonishment. But he didn't mind because he was more used to pigs than people. Pigs are sweet and sensible by the way, but most people don't know that. After a few days, the princess had turned beautifully pink and had a snout. And within two weeks she completely turned into a pig! A beautiful and cute, smelly, pink piglet.
Now that princess pig turned out to have an incredible nose, or rather snout, for truffles. No other female pig could determine from this far and so precisely where these tasty mushrooms grow. Whenever she lifted her snout and began to growl softly, the swineherd knew what was going to happen: he grabbed his staff and knapsack, whistled the herd together, and they all rushed after the princess. The princess was actually a well-mannered pig; she always carefully rooted in the soil, without damaging the root system of the truffles. The swineherd had a good memory and remembered all the places where truffles grew or had yet to hatch. He became well known as a truffle trader and was nicknamed "the truffle king"! He even got rich and bought a large plot of land with a forest full of truffles, a swamp full of delicious mud to roll in, an orchard and a waterfall. He built a mud house where all the pigs were allowed to walk in and out freely, they only had to learn to wipe their feet when entering. There house was cleaner than most homes actually, where kids don't clean up their toys and men leave their dirty socks lying around! (That may also be because pigs have no socks and no toys.)
After all those years in the fresh air, the princess's scent had faded. She was very attractive, for a pig, and she was very successful with the bears in the herd. But she only had eyes for the swineherd. The love was mutual; the swineherd, for his part, would have risked his life for his little princess. Fortunately for him, she grew much older than a normal pig. They were always together and understood each other without words. During the long winter evenings she often sat on his lap in front of the warm fireplace and together they stared at the flames. In the spring, while the orchard was blooming beautifully, they all frolicked in the swamp. In the summer they experienced the most beautiful sunrises and sunsets together and in the autumn they took long walks in the forest that was colored red, green, yellow and brown.
And then a pig with a long snout came... and the fairy tale was over. For some a story about impossible love, for others a story about unconditional love.